It has been a month since we came back home. If I had only one word to describe how I felt during the first two weeks it would be - confusing. It's funny because it's exactly the same as I felt in the beginning of our journey in Denmark. However I knew what's here waiting for me. A lot of work(I'm working on it!) and people I haven't seen for ages. And yes, my dear friends, I'm glad to be back. But I would dedicate this post to all the people and things I learned to know in Denmark. I want to say how thankful I am having the chance to met you all. Thank you for loving and caring home - mom and dad, Sune and Thore. Thank you for all the good laughs and times you've given me during my stay. And people from school-my friends(classmates) and teachers. Thank you for letting me in and be apart of your lives. I'm doing great and I hope it's same with you all. I've learned from you a lot and I hope I gave you also something to remember. But I don't want to miss you, because I know this isn't some kind of a goodbye-forever letter it's just goodbye for now. I wish you all the best and of course - vi ses!

And special thanks to my teacher, Margarita Eero, without whom we would have never got the chance to do this.

I am now certain that 3 months is a very very short time. Before going I had all sorts of fears, how everything would change and coming back I wouldn't have a life here I had before. It makes me laugh now - nothing has changed. Everything is the same and I got back to my old routine very quickly. Honestly it feels like I had been there for only a day. Nothing has ever flown by as fast as those 3 months in Denmark did. It feels weird, like I hadn't even been there, like I have memories that aren't mine, like it was a dream. Time flies.

Eestis!

Nädal aega tagasi maandusime, me viis peale kolme fantasilist kuud Taanis, taas kodumaa pinnal. Ausalt öeldes ei oska ma siiani oma emotsioone kokku võtta ja kirjeldada seda kõike. See oli suurepärane osa mu elust ja ma ei vahetaks seda kunagi mitte millegi vastu. Ja, kindlasti mitte ei olnud see 3 kuud puhkust või mitte midagi tegemist nagu osad arvavad.
Lahkumine oma "teisest elust" oli kurb, aga samas see ei olnud hüvastijätt, sest me näeme millalgi jälle. Ma võiksin öelda, et mul oli nii öelda kaks elu üks Eesti oma ja teine Taani oma, mõlemid oma plusside ja miinustega. Ma usun, et millalgi lähen ma tagasi mõneks ajaks, sest koduukse võti on siiani minu käes.

Tagasi tulles kohtasime rongis väga meeldivat töötjat, kes oskas mõned sõnad ja väljendid eesti keeles öelda, sest tal on Eestis sõber- see oli kindlasti kojusõidu üks üllatavamaid ja meeldejäävaimaid hetki.

Oli tore näha lennujaamas ootamatult palju inimesi ja esmaspäeva hommikune üllatus oli ka väga armas. Meie ja teiste jaoks läks see aeg väga kiiresti ja kodus olles ei tundunud ka, et oleksin nii kaua ära olnud. Tagasi tulles olin üllatavalt heas tujus ja täis emotsioone, mida jagada. Nüüd olen enam-vähem harjunud taas Eesti kooliga, aga samas on asju, mida sooviksin muuta. Terve see esimene nädal on olnud väga väsitav - pikad päevad ja palju rohkem lärmi ning tõsised keskendumisraskused. Väsin ära keset koolipäeva ja siis edasi on väga raske tunnis keskenduda, sest keset tundi lähevad mõtted jalutama ning meenuvad seigad "teisest elust". Kohe, kohe on ka Eesti rutiin tagasi ning õnneks ei ole suvi enam kaugel.




Minu klass Taanis!


Igal pool on hea, kus sa end hästi tunned!

Asjad on pakitud. Kõik on minekuks valmis välja arvatud mu mõistus. Ei jõua kohale, et nüüd ongi minek. Teades, et ma pean kolm kuud võõras keskkonnas viibima üritasin ma võimalikult kiirelt siin sisse elada ja järje peale saada. Olen siinse eluga täielikult ära harjunud. Kesklinn, bussisõidud, kool, inimesed. See siin on minu elu. Veider on mõelda, et pole ju. Nüüd sõidan oma ''päris'' elu juurde tagasi. See ei tundu üldse reaalne. Olen täielikult omaks võtnud kõik siin oleva. Ei oska isegi midagi mõelda enam.

Our time as an exchange student is almost over. I would like to stay at least one month more. Maybe then I’m ready to turn back home(or there isn’t never a right time), but I know it is impossible and saying goodbye will be much harder. I know it’s never easy to say goodbye or it’s normal to be sad, but I’m also very grateful for this opportunity. I can’t describe all these things what I have learned in here. No, I’m not smarter in some subject right now, but I have acquired so many new values and way of looking things. I have found here some very important persons to me. I know that one day I will see them.

Aarhus.


Lystrup, view from my bus stop

Boy. (Actually you are not allowed to make pictures, but I saw that a bit too late:)

Few days and I can see my sister;)

De hurtigste 3 maaneder i mit liv!

"The last blog post before the blog post that comes before the last blog post" - post

Here we are at the end of our long, troublesome journey. It's the last stretch of red gravel before the finish line; the last piece of dark concrete before the black-and-white-checkered flag falls; the last street corner before Burger King - everything is coming to a glorious end with various souvenirs and foreign chocolate candy and confetti and fancy new experiences and stolen bank credentials. To celebrate this I am giving you people a major treat. I have changed the font of this blog post to Verdana. Rejoice fellow font-enthusiasts.

Before I go off and start blabbering on about my feelings and other emo crap like that I'd like to give everybody a little update on what has been going on recently. Well, as they say in good ol' Texas, I dun' goofed. For, you see, I managed to dislocate my knee cap for the second time in my life:

It all happened last Saturday at my girlfriend's relative's birthday party. We were playing a harmless children's game an extreme sport called rundbold which reminded me of baseball rugby with medieval weapons and my team was getting their asses handed to them on a silver plate. I didn't notice that I was getting tired or anything and I wasn't straining myself as far as I can recall.
But then, suddenly, I jumped up to catch a ball and I felt a sort of intense buzz in my right knee. I don't remember my thoughts exactly, but they were probably along the lines of: "Oh God, not this shit again!" I didn't know whether my knee popped to the side when I was up in the air or when I hit the ground - all I know is that I screamed my lungs off when the pain train arrived.
Fortunately I had somebody special to comfort me there (unlike the last time this happened) and that helped me calm down. The ambulance arrived relatively soon and the doc gave me some nitrous oxide to help with the agonizing pain I felt. They told me to breathe in deeply, which I did accordingly.
The pain didn't quite go away but the gas got me high so what the heck - I breathed in some more. I had to prepare for them to lift me on the stretcher, so I decided to go all out and get in as much of that funny gas as I could. This way, I reduced myself into some sort of semi-conscious state - I could feel pain, think clearly and hear things with a cool echo and when they moved me it felt like I was being covered with a blanket made of wind.
When I came out of it after about a minute I experienced a sort of hallucination - or at least that's what I think it was. Two emergency doctors opened the door to the ambulance and stepped in one after the other. The weird thing was that they both had the exact same face. I saw a third man standing behind them, but fortunately he had a different face so I could stop losing my marbles. That's when I decided that taking too many drugs is probably a bad idea.
Long story short, they got me to the hospital and patched me up. I got a cool brace for my leg as well, which I'll have to send back in a few weeks. Then I'll be able to put on my pants and shoes without anybody helping me again.
Hell, I'm nobody to criticize the way doctors who save lives on a daily basis do their job, but I'd still just like to point out some differences between the way the Estonian doctors handled the situation and the way the Danish doctors did.
For one thing, the Danes gave me N₂O while the Estonians injected me with some sort of general anesthetic. I suppose the gas is more expensive, because the trip to the hospital hurt much less in Denmark than in Estonia.
Back home they let me suffer in pain on a hospital bed for about an hour or so before they actually did anything. And even then they first got a damned x-ray image of my knee and after that they popped the sucker back into place. The Danish doc pushed it back almost as soon as I got there and after that they made some x-ray images of my knee, which seems like a reasonable thing to do considering that I was suffering from a large amount of PAIN.
The first time this happened I had to wear a cast for two weeks and then a leg brace of sorts for about a month, but I only have to wear a brace for two weeks this time - no cast. I'm not too sure why this is so, but at least I'll get to walk like a normal person sooner.
The bad thing is that if I had been forced to wear a cast then maybe I could've stayed a bit longer in Denmark with the girl I love, but that's just wishful thinking, isn't it.
In conclusion, both hospitals were quite busy and I had to wait a long time, but the Danish hospital obviously had better equipment at hand. But in the end it really comes down to the doctors - the proverbial guardian angels of today - and how they use whatever they have been given to do what they can and help those in need. Nobody should be allowed to judge those people and what they do. I should be happy they even bothered to help somebody like me - I mean, as the Black Knight in Monty Python and the Holy Grail once said after having had both his arms cut off: "It's just a flesh wound."

Another thing that happened is that my English teacher decided to take a look at my written assignments at last and I received three 12's yesterday. That ought to look good on my record. (Seeing as 12 is the highest grade you can get...). Okay, I'll stop showing off now.

I have this whole week off which isn't really anything to be excited about because of that dumb leg of mine. I said good-bye to all of my classmates from 2.x with a small, fancy (magnificent) speech in History class last Friday. To be honest I never really got to know any of them, but I'm pretty sure they're all nice people. Pretty sure...

S'pose y'all want to hear a little something about my feelings and stuff like that. (At least if you're bored enough you do.) I'm not going say I miss anything from back home and even less will I begin to pretend I'm a poet with the old "I miss/love the X, the Y and the Z from back home"-shtick we've all heard before. I probably miss something from Estonia, but the problem is that I'm the kind of person who keeps everything portable. I keep my emotional attachments and whatnot on the move. I love books, but I can buy those everywhere, so there's no way for me to miss them. I love my family, but my mother calls me lazy and sloppy and my sister just wants me to join the army sooner.
And this is where I'll be having a problem when the time finally comes for me to leave. It may sound cheesy, contrived and childish to those of you who are older than me and think that age gives one some sort of leverage or right to judge the young and to those of you who think one's personal experiences give one some kind of sublime and undeniable ability to put oneself in my shoes and feel the world the way I do - it may sound like that to those few of you, but I've fallen in love with a Danish girl.
And there's no way I could just pack her up and take her with me. There's also no way for me to stay here and live the life of a vagrant in the name of love. I will, at last, have something to miss now. Back home what do I really have? Lots of homework and some canned food. But here in Denmark I have somebody to smile to and hug and say the nicest things to.
People call me cynical and sometimes too sarcastic, but hey I'm still human. Just because I write cynical things doesn't mean I'm an emotionless potato sack who is unable to express affection or any of those other girly things.
Well, maybe I got a bit carried away with that last part - I tend to do that a lot. And to those of you who think of saying something along the lines of "Oh you're young and you'll find someone else" or "You're too young to know what love is" or some other such condescending, ignorant horse****, you can shove that right up your grandmother's easy-bake oven.
That's about as personal as I'm willing to get on this subject. I'd prefer not to see any comments from the peanut gallery about it. I wrote it all just to illustrate how I feel right now.
And I haven't lost heart yet. I barely even think about all of that right now. There's no point in mourning over the loss of something when one hasn't lost it yet. I still have a couple of good days left with that special someone. It's not the end of the world yet and it won't be the end of the world when I leave.
Sadness is just a bunch of crap - hey, it's not the most profound statement you've ever heard, I know, but it's easy to understand at least.
How about this: In the grand scheme, living is basically walking through a shallow ocean of mud with no shoes on. You get stuck and you fall in face first and some of the mud gets into your underpants. And then you feel like you are mud, you feel like you deserve all this smelly crap on your shoulders, in your crack and then at last you find an island made of nothing but grass. And the sun shines on you and the mud dries off and the rain washes it away. And you get to feel like grass under sun.
Not too poetic or anything, but it gets my point across.

That's about enough for the feelings-part of this post. Come to think of it, right now I don't have anything else to write. I'm tired because of my leg and all the pressure we're going to be put under when we get home. I guess that's what we deserve - more work. My mind isn't working right and I don't know what to write.

Don't take this post too seriously guys - I don't know what I'm writing, good night.

Scraping bits and pieces

Lately there's been a tidal wave of long blog entries so I'll try to squeeze in, push my way through with elbows if necessary.

I don't have anything to add from my account about the educational/school system as I find that Tanel has done a good job collecting all the vital information you need to know. Good job, T- man!

The bicycle joke is growing old and mouldy by now, so I'll drop that subject. Weather? Got better topics than that (although it was around 16 degrees at some point).

Since the time in it's illusiveness is soon running out, I think more and more of one spesific thing: what I am going to take on board of a plane taking me back to my hometown besides 20 kilo of luggage?

To start with, for the departure date I have packed quite a number of imaginery suitcases stuffed with KNOWLEDGE. You think that it's fun just to casually blend into the scenery of a classroom as a piece of furniture during the lesson? Hell no! For all the time being here I've tried not to fall too much behind all the rest of the class and searched for topics myself. Living in a computerized area has it's benefits after all. Deoxigenartion process, the Aztecs, the survival of the fittest - all just a click away.

As a bonus to the previous point, my Danish has also escalated upwards. No, I'm definately not a Danish- speaking prodigy now, but I feel my relationship with this glotal, one of a kind language has moved towards the green zone. Not that I speak that much or my vocabulary has all the everyday words covered, but a point from which to kickstart again when home is there and waiting.

The second significant point is a bit personal, but let me throw some light on this smudgy point. Personal development. Experiencing a coctail of varying mood swings from gushing excitement to feeling of being deep down in a dark pit. Independence and responsobility being classified as the 'good' ones, lack of hope and losing inner peace on the 'bad' part of the scale.

New opinions and a more variant worldview, plus a better understanding of whom people really are. Who are being genuine and can earn the trust and sympathy, who are real ****heads and phonies. At this point I've had experience in both cathegories. Not extremely happy about the last one, but the experience itself is a valuable lesson.

The third thing I'd like to point out is that living with my host family and observing their relationships every day, their habits and traditions, I might aswell return home as a better daughter. Before I left, I had no significant problems or sharp disagreements with my parents, but the feeling was as if they had their own world and I was an occasional cosmis guest from another planet. I think that my host family has planted an idealised picture of a strong family in my head and I want to show some more love to my mom and dad now. When was the last time you actually acknowledged that your 'oldies' are always there for you?

To make leaving Denmark even harder, I feel like I already miss a couple of friends I've made her. Like real friends, not just the people you know by name and have partied together or went to the same class with. Real friends who know what kind of a personal you are. This doesn't count as an achievement, but those people I'm going to carry in my heart even after stepping off the board of the plane and blendind in with my life where I left it.

It's 4 in the morning and I've gradually run out of ideas. I hope, dear readers, that you won't mind me getting a little personal with you on a comfortable enough level for me. I really felt like sharing that piece of cake with all of those who made it this far.

Of course my blog post is followed by picture provement of my existence.


Friendly shark on the basement walls of an art university where I would LOVE to study.


The dog has nothing to do with this entry, it's just to awesome not to show.


Sunny Saturday at Mindeparken dragged all the people out of their hiding spots.


This two kiddos kept running around me and Sara as we sat in the park. I share the cuteness only in this blog, please don't use the picture elsewhere, because I don't want their parents claiming I'm a pedophile -.-