The last blog post in the universe: Part I

Hello, it's me, your friendly neighborhood plumber yet again and it's about time for a recap on everything that has been going on over here. So fasten your seatbelts because you might doze off in front of your computer, fall off your chair and get a concussion, a broken spine and herpes or something.

I admit that I lied a bit in the first paragraph because who in the world would want to actually sit down and read about everything that has been going on in my life. Not all the things I do here really deserve to be written down.

For the sake of appearances, I suppose it would be a reasonable idea to stop beating around the bush and start writing about stuff. The only alternative would be to post some pictures and write one-liners under them, but since I'm not that lazy and I don't (from the point of view of the police) legally own a photo-camera, I will not stoop to such a level just yet.

Here’s a semi-brief semi-overview of the last few weeks:

I went to Copenhagen three weeks ago and I liked the experience. To sum it up: I ate some sandwiches; was present (but not fully conscious) at a workshop about culture-shock and other things I can’t remember; went bowling and lost horribly; slept in an unreasonably expensive hotel without paying a dime for it and visited a kind of ex-hippie Mecca called Christiania (of which I will write an article when I get bored enough).

I also had the joy of grabbing a week-long winter holiday which was slightly more than great but still under the ‘amazing’- threshold. The most notable events were visiting two different zoos - Randers Regnskov and Kattegatcentret.

The first one is an indoor rainforest where many of the (furrier) animals are not kept in cages. A fantastic experience, the only problem is that you can neither touch nor fondle the animals inappropriately or throw people into some of the cages where the dangerous critters are kept.

The second is a sort of aquatic zoo with big sharks and boring, dull-eyed fish which look like they just want to die. I got to touch some of the more harmless sharks and lobsters - though I'm not too sure whether they were alive (or really lobsters for that matter) - therefore I have no complaints.

I must not forget to mention visiting the local science museum. The only thing of any interest there was a model of a human being whose organs you could remove and put in a red box next to the model. I removed all the organs, but I didn’t have the time or the know-how to put them back so I just gave the model back its lungs, caecum, an eyeball, and part of his brain and stuffed the rest of the organs back into the box. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the model - Larry I named him - as we left him there on the operating table with only about 1/6 of his organs and the rest inside a filthy plastic box. Godspeed Larry, we’ll see you in another life – hopefully one where you have all your organs, or at least more than half of them.

Another interesting place I visited was the Danish history museum where they showcased the Tollund Man - the naturally mummified corpse of a man who lived during the 4th century BC (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tollund_Man). He wasn’t all that active in that glass coffin of his, what with him being dead and all. He reminded me of dried plums or, even better, licorice. One would think that if a man looked like plums then at one point in his life (or death when it comes to the Tollund Man) he would certainly hear something along the lines of “Look at him, he is so sweet!” from a gang of teenage girls, but apparently girls aren't really fond of comparing dead bodies to the sweetness of certain foods. Oh well Tollund Man, I can only comfort you with the fact that your brain has long stopped functioning so you don’t have to worry about your appearance anymore.

The way the Tollund Man died was also quite intriguing. Apparently he was sacrificed in a bog by his fellow villagers. His leg was broken and his throat was cut – all in the name of some invisible man in the sky (a practice that mankind has not yet fully abandoned, as you can see by watching the news).

Things I forgot to mention:

· Visiting a salt-museum (very interesting if you have a lamp for a brain).

· Visiting the local university.

· Probably something else.

I’d like to write more right now, but time’s a-wastin’ and I haven’t done my homework yet. I’ll write more tomorrow or some other day and I promise it will be more interesting and longer than this post.

Here's a stupid picture I allowed/demanded to be taken of myself: