All work and no fun makes Tanel compose boring, unfunny blogposts

Contrary to what you may believe, life isn't all fun and games for me here in Denmark. The streets are muddy, the weather is bleak, the trees are all dried up and the milk tastes as if it has been extracted from a female dog. This is no vacation and I don't get to sit around like an obese garden-gnome all the time.

Instead I'm doing hard work here. I'm scouring the streets for dirty little details that could topple the illusion of Denmark's welfare society; scrutinizing every interesting piece of information I gather, observing every suspicious person I come across, eating all the food I can get my hands on from the fridge (in order to see if there's any poison in it, of course). But, unfortunately, I haven't found much at all.

I'm starting to think that there's actually nothing here to be found. There aren't even any thieves here, if you can believe it. Last Tuesday, while on my way to school, I noticed a yellow bicycle lying on the side of the road, completely abandoned. The nearest house was at least a few hundred meters away, so it couldn't have been a makeshift bike-parking lot or anything. I assumed that when I come back, it will be gone, but, to my surprise, it was still there. Such a humbling sight to behold - a bike, there for the taking, but nobody cares. The next day I saw it again and it actually made me a bit angry; why does this stupid bike get to hang out there in the mud all day like a fat pig while I have to wake up at 6:45 AM and drag myself to school? I gave it a small kick and ran away, so it couldn't follow me.

To contrast the event I described in the last paragraph, I'd like to tell you what I found out from a letter that I received from back home. Apparently some moron with two fuzz-balls and a tea-stain for a brain had found a way into the basement of the block of flats right next to mine and stolen 2 meters of wire. This, in turn, caused an overvoltage to develop in my block of flats, frying everything that was plugged into the electric circuit. Luckily the damage this caused wasn't too bad for my family, but I'd really like to know what that guy was thinking inside that watermelon of a head of his. I suppose he hoped to find some valuable items down there, like an old washing-machine or a stupid yellow bicycle, but since nobody from where I come from with an IQ score higher than 50 keeps anything of value in their basement, he ended up having to steal the first thing he came across: 2 meters of goddamned wire.

I wonder what the hell he'll do with it. I realize that he'll most probably sell it for some crack-cocaine or a Twix bar, but that would just be boring, wouldn't it. What if he were to make necklaces out of it? He'd make necklaces for his whole wire-stealing, drug-using, Twix-eating gang of thieves. Ugly, thick, wiry necklaces that probably have rat droppings and cockroaches inside them.

Another interesting thing to consider is how the hell he got into the basement in the first place. You'd think that somebody would notice if a crackhead was desperately trying to get into the basement. He'd probably have to devise a clever disguise of sorts.

He looks friendly but he really only wants to steal your electrical wires

Back on topic: what I've learned from the aforementioned events is that whatever isn't attached to the ground with chains in Estonia, will be stolen, whereas in Denmark, almost everybody's seemingly too happy or busy to give a toss about stealing. I'll certainly take this into account when I'm choosing my career path.
Of course I realize that every country has thieves, but it seems that the more affluent and well-off an area is, the less stealing goes on there. Common sense, I guess.

Time for a change of topic. My classmates have been really kind towards me. Some of them seem genuinely interested in me as a person. I even taught two of them an Estonian swear-word during English last Wednesday. I won't mention the word now, but it certainly wasn't a nice one. Dear god, how I laughed when they repeated it, not really knowing what it means. I felt like I was in an episode of the Twilight Zone (the old tv-show, not the vampire-pornography). Only I could understand what they were saying and oh boy was it funny. I know that sounds a bit evil, but they were the ones who wanted to learn some nasty Estonian words and I was happy to oblige, because swearing is cool.

Yesterday we had to go for a school trip to the Music hall or some such place where there was a sort of a convention for young students. A convention in the sense that students could hear people talk about career possibilities and other rubbish like that. Since everybody had chosen their seminars beforehand and I wasn't informed much about the whole event, I was given the choice of going home, which I was glad to accept. So I went to the local railway-station/mall thing. The stores wouldn't open until 10:00 AM and it was only 9:10-ish AM, so I just took a seat on a bench and thought about airplanes while a strange Asian woman stared at me from another bench.
Then the stores finally opened and I ripped a massive hole into that already non-existent budget of mine by buying useless things like every other happy consumer would. I realized something back there. Since I never get any money, actually having some money is kind of like an abnormal state for me. Therefore I have to waste it as fast as I can on cookies and books and stuff. That is not to say that you shouldn't give me money. I'd be happy to accept all the money you have. Just mail it to me. Think of it as social assistance, except that instead of giving the money to ugly poor people, you're giving it to me - a slightly handsome poor person.

I suppose you're all wondering what's been going on in school. Well, nothing much to be honest. Everything's new and it will take a while to get used to things. For example, in Chemistry they have these sets which you can use to compose 3-D carbon chain models. In those sets there are fancy "balls with holes in them" that you can join to "sticks" and other "balls with holes in them" and form "carbon-thingies". At least that's the way I understood it. In my old school we would probably use balls of dust and rusty nails if we wanted to create things like that (and snot to glue them together).
We also had the chance to perform experiments in the chemistry lab. It was interesting, but unfortunately I spilled some, well, whatever the hell it was on the floor. Being the quick thinker I am, I then cleverly masked my spill by smearing it on the floor with my foot. I still have both my legs so I guess everything turned out just fine.
After the experiment we had to fill out a test of sorts regarding the experiments we had just performed. I didn't know what to write so I just drew a picture of a cross-eyed cat.
We're studying (well they are) differentials and integrals in Mathematics right now as far as I can tell. I have to study a lot at home because I'm way behind. Of course I'll be even more behind in Mathematics when I get back home, but I don't really care about that right now.
Other then that, well, I had to write a 700-1000 word essay for English today. I was up until 1:00 PM racking my brains on that monstrous task, but I finished it. Then it turned out that the teacher didn't even know that I have to do homework here in Denmark, so I could've had more time to finish the essay, but what's done is done.

If you're wondering whether I miss anything or anybody, just think of all the peanut butter and chocolate I can use to forget all that. In fact, while shopping for underwear (yes, I managed to run out of underwear, it's really not funny in the slightest) I realized that I haven't missed anything while here. Yes I've thought about home, but, to be honest, things weren't going too well for me back there anyway, so why the hell should I miss it.

Enough of being Sadpants McSaddington. This evening there's going to be a totally non-alcoholic party back at school. A sort of Eurovision song contest. Lots of beer lemonade and even (from the stories I've heard) some girls dancing on tables. I like it when girls dance on tables... Especially on my table. (With no clothes on...)
No need to worry, it's not like I'm going to get drunk out of my mind or anything. I might be stupid at times but I still have a brain. Besides, everybody knows that parties are really a place to get hammered talk about fun stuff like collecting stamps and eating strawberry cake.

I just hope I'll get enough sleep next week. I actually thought about taking a nap today, but then I realized that only little girls and old people take naps.

Well, I've drained myself again and I hope somebody will actually enjoy this horrible thing I've created. It might not be as good as the last one, but I at least posted something. You have to give me credit for that. Credit as in money. Lots of money.




I'm Tanel and that's all for this week.







P.S. Check out this awesome line I just came up with: "Oh Tanel, you're such a Prikk."